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Total dating success |
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Dating resources |
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A Complete swinger guide |
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What is Swinging?
Swinging is a form of recreational social sex between consenting
adults, most commonly consisting of male/female couples meeting
other male/female couples for sex and/or ongoing intimate
friendships.Swinging (otherwise known as "the lifestyle") can
take a variety of different forms. Although single women are
generally welcome at
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swinging events, the degree to which single men are accepted
varies from club to club.
Although female bisexuality is
generally accepted in the swinging community, the degree to
which male bisexuality is accepted also varies from club to
club. Swing clubs can be "on-premises" (which means that one may
interact sexually with others at that event) or "off-premises"
(which means that one would generally go back to the home or
hotel room of other couples for sex, after deciding to do so at
the event). Newspapers and magazines which carry personal ads
for swingers also exist, and to a slightly lesser degree these
publications may also be considered an aspect of "the
lifestyle." Swingers have traditionally been largely middle
class and tend to blend in quite easily with the general
population in terms of appearance and ideology.
What Might I Like About Swinging?
People may be attracted to the swinging community for a variety
of different reasons. Many couples find the thought of having
sex with other people to be very arousing, and may find that
swinging becomes a catalyst for improving their own sex lives
and relationship. Some people may feel stifled by repressive
societal attitudes towards sexuality, and may welcome the
opportunity to form friendships and a new social network with
people of like mind. Others may simply feel that sex should be a
natural possibility in any friendship in which there is mutual
attraction, and so appreciate the relative open-mindedness and
pleasure-positivity with which the swinging community views this
subject. Although the swinging community is unfortunately not
always the best place right now for het-identified men to
explore their potential bisexuality, it is currently a
relatively good place for het-identified women to initially
explore sex with other women, and this sometimes plays a role in
couples choosing to seek it out.
In the past, the swinging community has been somewhat unaware of
or confused by alternative sexual practices such as BDSM or
Tantra. This appears to be changing, and these days you may find
many folks in the swinging community who are knowledgeable about
such things (though forms of BDSM much more extreme than
spanking or very light bondage may make people uncomfortable,
depending on the club). If you're interested in doing so and
spend enough time meeting different people, you may actually
find that today's swinging community is becoming a somewhat
fertile place to meet folks with a variety of sexual interests.
It is certainly true right now that the national swinging
conventions tend to host seminars and workshops on a variety of
sexual topics, which seems at least somewhat indicative of
broadening perspectives in the community.
Some women may find the swinging community to be a welcome dose
of sanity. Our culture can be quite cruel to women who have an
active interest in sex, often derisively labeling them "sluts" -
a term which stands in sharp contrast to the less derogatory
term for men, "studs". The swinging community may be especially
attractive to these women, who may feel their sex drives and/or
sexual assertiveness should be appreciated rather than snickered
about or reviled.
Some people end up learning quite a bit about themselves and
their sexualities through swinging. For example, most folks find
that having their partner actively enjoy and appreciate what
they are experiencing during sex to be a tremendous turn-on;
this is a realization which may stand in sharp contrast to the
attitude that "performance" is all-important. Swinging can be an
opportunity to learn to relax and appreciate sexual pleasure,
and may help one view sex more as a source of pleasure and
intimacy and less as a social bargaining chip or ego fuel.
Although this may vary slightly from club to club, in general
the swinging community is quite accepting of a variety of body
types, sizes, ages, and shapes. Additionally, many on-premises
events provide an opportunity to dress sexily or go completely
nude, which can be a fun and sensual experience in and of
itself.
What Might I Dislike About Swinging?
If you are uncomfortable with people being sexually attracted to
you and/or flirting with you, then you might be uncomfortable at
swinging events; similarly, if your relationship with your
partner is on shaky ground, you might find seeing him or her
flirt or be flirted with to be an uncomfortable experience. If
either of you have hidden agendas concerning finding a permanent
"replacement" for each other, you're probably in for a major
emotional disaster. If you and your partner cannot communicate
directly about relationships and sex, you're probably eventually
in for a similarly-sized disaster. In general, sex can provoke
strong feelings along with its many pleasures; if you aren't
comfortable dealing with emotions, then perhaps it might be
better to wait a little while before exploring "the lifestyle."
If you are bothered by seeing people have sex without condoms,
then you might want to avoid some of the larger play areas in
many on-premises swinger's events. Although I have never run
into a situation in the swinging community where my requests to
use latex were looked down on in any way, it is certainly true
that not all on-premises clubs require the use of safer sex
precautions. Depending on your experience with sex-positive
communities other than swinging, seeing others not use latex may
be unsettling to you. You should know what your own standards
are with regard to safer sex, and be willing to articulate them
to new people or couples you are about to have sex with. If your
personal safer sex standards include using barriers for
cunnilingus, then you should be prepared to do some explaining
as not everyone will be familiar with this practice.
If you are offended by phobia against bi men, then you should be
prepared to either look for a club that is more open-minded on
this particular issue, wait for attitudes in the community to
change (which I believe may happen in the next five years or
so), or else attend anyway and make a point of not letting
small-minded comments go unchallenged.
If you are a single male, you might actually be better off
waiting until you are in a suitable relationship before
attempting to become active in swinging - most swing clubs allow
few if any single men to attend their events.
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True stories |
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I found my true love |
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