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For many people, anal sex is the ultimate taboo. Butt fucking
makes it sound crude and dirty, sodomy sounds technical. In the
1990's, anal sex has been given the bad rap because HIV, the
virus that causes AIDS, is most easily transmitted by anal
intercourse. But some people love anal sex. Others hate it.
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haven't tried it yet and are curious. And many people are
attracted to it precisely because it's so taboo and mysterious.
What is analingus?
One other part of the body that some people enjoy licking, or
having licked, is the anus. The anus has half the nerve endings
in the pelvic region and many people find touching it to be
sexually arousing. Although we haven't mentioned safer sex yet
as part of this series, we will here: the anus and rectum carry
many diseases that live quite benignly in your lower digestive
tract, but which can be harmful in your mouth or stomach.
Performing anilingus is a very risky behavior for a variety of
bacterial infections. Refer to the section on safer sex
techniques for ways to protect yourself if you or your partner
enjoys this activity.
Does anal sex hurt?
Anal sex should not hurt. If it hurts, you're doing it wrong.
With enough lubricant and enough patience, it's entirely
possible to enjoy anal sex as a safe and fulfilling part of your
sex life. However, some people may never like it, and if your
lover is one of those people, respect their limits. Don't force
the idea upon them.
Can anal sex actually give pleasure?
The pleasure of anal sex is derived from many things. Doing
something "nasty" appeals to many people, especially about sex.
Doing something different to spice up a sex life that has become
something of a bore can be part of it. And the physical
sensations available during anal sex are uniquely different from
anything else. The rectum is lined with nerve endings, some of
which signal the brain to 'reward' you with good feelings when
stimulated. For men, the prostate gland can be a source of
powerful pleasure. And for a thrusting penis, the ring of the
anus can be a new and strong sensation to enjoy.
What do I need to have anal sex?
The most important pieces of advice anyone can give on anal sex
are: lubricants, condoms, and patience. The most commonly
available lubricant is KY-Jelly, a greaseless, odorless
substance available at most drug stores. Better lubricants
include Astroglide, ID, Wet, or ForePlay, some of which are
available at better drug stores, and most of which are available
in some form at adult toy stores.
Do not buy anything that is oil-based. Make sure the lubricant
you buy is rated "condom compatible." Nothing else will do.
Oil-based lubricants such as vaseline or baby oil will destroy a
condom long before you're done having sex. And many oil-based
sub-stances will coat the lining of the rectum, providing a
haven for many potential infections.
Do I have to use a condom?
Even if you're sure that both you and your partner are disease-
free, you should still use a condom. The rectum is home to lots
of infectious bacteria that can cause burning and urethritis of
the penis. It will also help you clean up afterwards.
I'm worried that anal sex will be messy.
Anal sex should not be messy. Most first-timers fear that it
will be, but most people can tell when they have to go. A condom
will help with cleanup, of course, and if you're really
concerned, a commercial enema, like Fleet, will help beforehand.
How do we prepare for anal sex?
Patience is the third and final thing you need to make anal sex
possible. Initial penetration is always the most difficult part
of anal sex -- the anus is a tight ring of flesh at the opening
of the rectum designed to control the elimination of bodily
waste. It is partially under voluntary control, and partially
reflexive to stimulation. Your partner has to relax, and you
have to go slow to coax it into opening enough to receive your
penis.
Start with a well-lubricated finger or a slim (smaller than your
penis) dildo. The dildo is more realistic, but your fingers can
flex and feel what they're doing inside her ass. Slide one
finger in slowly, letting her adjust to it. Take your finger all
the way out, then push it back in again. Give her anus time to
get used to this kind of activity. Then slide a second finger
in. Consider how big your penis is and realize that two fingers
is probably enough.
What position should we use for anal sex?
For actual intercourse, picking a position can be important.
Many women want to be on top, to regulate how fast penetration
occurs. Other like to lie on their stomachs, or crouch
doggy-style, or to be penetrated while lying on their sides.
Choose what's best before you start.
As always, control yourself. Take your time and use lots of
lubricant. People who like anal sex say that "too much lube is
almost enough." Listen to her -- if she tells you it starts to
hurt, back off.
Eventually, a time will come during your lovemaking where her
anus will relax enough to allow the head of your cock to 'pop'
into her. If she is completely relaxed, that pop should feel
completely painless. Now just because you're inside her is no
reason to start pounding away like mad. Let her body adjust.
Take your time. Eventually you will both be ready for more.
Can I get pregnant from anal sex?
It is not technically possible to get pregnant from anal sex;
there is no way for semen to get from the rectal tract to the
vaginal tract.
However, anal sex is still not a very good method of birth
control. Semen leaking from the anus after intercourse may drip
across the perineum (the short stretch of skin separating vulva
and anus) and cause what is known as a 'splash' conception. The
failure rate for this is surprisingly high! 8% of couples of who
use anal sex as a method of birth control have babies each year.
What if I don't like it?
You may find that anal sex just isn't for you. That's fine.
Nothing says that you have to indulge in something that doesn't
make you feel good.
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